Time and patience..

As time passes so do the lessons we learn and experiences we go through. but unfortunately only some grow and learn and others keep fiddling with the same tune. I myself have not only grown but have gotten to the point where i feel almost mechanical. i feel as though just about anything at this point in my life will bounce off of me. not that i won't feel it, but because i have been there and done it so often i can not only handle it, but take it in a stride and walk it off. I've never been one to take a lesson from life and toss it over my shoulder. every single one i have stored, remembered, learned from and realized the how, what, when and where. i think its the importance of survival and how to get through. So if the normal person was a mouse, I'm the ox. metaphorically speaking. no one is perfect, were not built that way, it wasn't the way God wanted it. and lets be honest, how boring would that be if we were all wired the same and were like robots. I've thought about that quite a bit and it would be funny for a moment but to live it would be a horrible punishment. i have come a long way in my quarter of a lifetime. it feels like I've lived forever yet at the same time i know i haven't even come close to really, i mean really living. and Maybe its my time to enjoy that living. Dying scares me only because I've seen it up close,and i can't understand the not being here anymore part. I'd just be gone and no longer. But than you realize if thats the way its meant to be than there has to be great purpose in everything and everyone. Wow a 1/4 of a lifetime and some. When i turned 25 that was my first thought actually. i kept entertaining the notion that i lived 25 years and wondered, "did i make a difference?" Don't we all want to leave a stamp, trademark, something that is to be remembered by? i do at least, and i believe i was meant to. not really my name, but a kink where i brought something to the table, changed something, or helped someone or a situation. If i can do that that i would leave this earth a happy person. your probably wondering why the hell am i talking about this now. I'm only 27 years old! well you realize if you take your life lessons and actually learn from them, that not only is life short, its a puzzle and when all your pieces are completed you are done. so how does anyone know really when their time is up? You cherish each and Every moment and stop being selfish with it. That is the toughest thing that people have to succumb to, but its damned true. I wish i can say i take it day by day but my patience level is not on that wavelength. I'm not really a "in the rush" type, but taking it day by day is too slow. i feel as though if you plan further ahead like "what is going to happen tomorrow," not only will you be more prepared but you make your own future (either way fate will do its part) but at least now you have some say in it. Ever wonder to yourself "where did the week go" and realize you've accomplished nothing but ulcers. (yeah i would know) i lived like that once and until i got the ulcers i didn't realize how it kills you literally and figuratively to go day to day. I do believe in "live in the moment", or "savor the moment," but moments are just that. A piece of time cut out that you hold like a picture. Thats a huge difference