Co-Dependency

Co-dependency is a learned behavior that can be passed down from one generation to another. (this blew my mind when i had learned this once upon a time actually..) It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. aka “relationship addiction” .

people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive. And will stay in it always trying to fix and balance the relationship out. The blame is always there's no matter what. An example is domestic violent relationships. People wonder why one party can't just leave it. Well besides being hunted when you do leave, the fact is these people can't. They can not function on their own. (so they think). its all psychological, but to the person in that state its as real as breathing air.

You ever notice, and if not you someone a friend or family member, tends to stray towards the same type of male/female in a relationship. even though they know it wont last and they know the person isn't good enough for them. Thats a tell tale sign. They want to fix these people but of course know they cant and will take blame for all their action and wonder 'what am i doing wrong.' 'i must be causing this' 'how do i change to make them love me'. These are all signs. Its not you, never was. the hardest to over come is that lesson right there.

More signs of Co-dependency:

An exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions of others A tendency to confuse love and pity, with the tendency to “love” people they can pity and rescue A tendency to do more than their share, all of the time A tendency to become hurt when people don’t recognize their efforts An unhealthy dependence on relationships. The co-dependent will do anything to hold on to a relationship; to avoid the feeling of abandonment An extreme need for approval and recognition A sense of guilt when asserting themselves A compelling need to control others Lack of trust in self and/or others Fear of being abandoned or alone Difficulty identifying feelings Rigidity/difficulty adjusting to change Problems with intimacy/boundaries Chronic anger Lying/dishonesty Poor communications Difficulty making decisions

There are books out there, one i encountered, i can't think of the author at the moment, but its called 'Co Dependency No More'. and there is therapy. There is no shame in asking for help, only strength and courage to do so. I once upon a time was in this, had this.

When you come from a dysfunctional family its not your fault to end up like this. to want to love and be loved is natural, unfortunately how the process ends up is not. It is solvable though..

God Bless Love , Ally